I am so frustrated with my violin practice at the moment. It seems like nothing is going right with it. I like the violin and I enjoy practising, but I'm still not quite happy. I'm having problems with my bowing. I can play a piece of music first time and it sounds okay. I play it a couple more times and the strings start to squeak. I don't understand. Is it because I'm not holding down my strings properly? I also have the problem of not having the whole bow on my strings. Is that a problem also? I just don't know. The fingering on my left hand has improved, but I still think it's a problem. Sometimes my fingers don't move quick enough. I have finger exercises, but I think I'm going to need some more.
I have so much to practice at the moment. That's not a problem really. My practice time has increased for half an hour extra because of the exercises I do, to help with my playing.
May be, I want to improve too much, too quickly. Is that my problem? At the moment, I am practising for my Grade 1, but I won't be taking it any time soon. I don't feel happy or comfortable yet to be able to take it. I am also learning new songs from my Abracadabra Book 1, which isn't easy. The further I go in the book, the harder the music and the longer it takes me to learn the tunes. I only have a week to show some sort of improvement before my next lesson and I worry that haven't improved at all in a week. I don't like letting me down, but I hate letting Alla down even more. Alla is my teacher and I think she's great and she has brought me so far, but I'm afraid I won't be able to fulfil my goal of playing the violin properly. I have a goal of playing the 'Four Seasons' in it's entirety. There is also another piece of music that I totally love and want to play, but I can't remember what it's called at the moment. I know I've achieved my goal when I can play those two pieces of music.
I have to perservere with this. May be there is a barrier I need to push past to get through to the other side. I don't know where this point is, but I'll get there. I will push past the pain barrier and get there.
I don't have a musical background. I am the only person in my family who has ever tried to play a musical instrument to this level. Because I don't have a musical background, I have had to learn to read music which I don't find easy. Sometimes, it takes me a while to remember what a note is and that can be a hinderance too. Am I moving too fast? Am I holding myself back from fear? I know that Alla wouldn't move me on if she didn't think I was ready, but do I think I'm ready? I want this so much, but it's just not working the way I want it too.
I will keep going. It's the only thing in my life that means anything and I don't ever want to give up. Please God, give me strength.
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